You Are Not Alone

I have a dark secret. Perhaps not a secret, as I do pour out my heart and soul in this blog. But here it is.

I’m not perfect.

I’m imperfect. Like those knobbly apples and pears that sell for $3 a kilo less because they have bumps, blemishes, and look funny. I’m not one of those smooth, symmetrical fruit that shine on the more expensive pile.

I have flaws. I know these very well, and for most of my life I either hidden them or “hustled for perfection” as though I can overcompensate somehow for not being flawless.

Inasmuch as I eschew a healthy lifestyle and do my hardest to practise what I preach, there are weeks when I struggle to get out for a run, when the rain, the cold, the school lunches, the deadlines, the commuting, and just life get on top of me.

As much as I try to practise being mindful and grateful, I am not always Deepak Chopra at home. I could very well me called a Momster at times. And I struggle with containing my moods, managing my anxiety, keeping depression at bay.

When I started on a journey to find the answers to health and happiness, I realised this wasn’t a straightforward journey. It meandered aimlessly and was full of obstacles. It’s thorny. But I’m making an authentic attempt to get to my destination. And I know I am not alone.

This is one of the “gifts of imperfection” that Brene Brown talks about in her amazing book. Connection. You’re not alone. The other gifts are courage and compassion, and these too have been unexpected and humbling gifts for me. But connection is the most profound, and it has helped me enormously as a person and also as a GP. The gift of being imperfect has been a deeper sense of connection, and compassion, in my relationships with my patients.

So to my patients who also struggle with anxiety and depression, I want to say, you are not alone.

To those who feel overwhelmed by the exhaustion of life, you are not alone.

To the new mum I saw walking down the street, tiny baby strapped to her chest, holding on to a takeaway coffee cup with a mix of tenacity and desperation, you are not alone.

Even if I do not live your struggle (and thank heaven I have relatively few struggles) this experience of owning my imperfections tells me that whatever happens to us, we can be assured that we are not alone. Although each experience, each tragedy, each challenge is unique to the individual, the struggle to make sense of it, and to build resilience, makes us one human race.

One of the true gifts of this connection borne of shared suffering is that support groups can offer great comfort and strength. Here are some support groups that can help people with mental health issues.

There is always help, always someone willing to listen to your story. Your GP, a counsellor, a phone line, a friend. There is always somebody to talk to.

Because when you realise you’re not alone, you somehow have the courage to face what it is that you are facing, with someone at your side, battling it out too. You just have to reach out. There is always someone next to you, willing to hold your hand, even if only for a moment’s connection.