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The Struggle is Real, and How To Lean Into It

The Struggle is Real, and How To Lean Into It

This year, I feel like the Queen Elizabeth II that year when Fergie broke up with Andrew, and life in Buckingham Palace was generally falling apart. The queen remarked that she was having an annus horribilis. I’m having my own version, minus the papparazzi. I found 

Seven Years A Mum: Things I Have Learned Since Having Children

Seven Years A Mum: Things I Have Learned Since Having Children

Exactly seven years ago, my life as a self-assured, fresh-faced, pert thirty-something who spent her weekends blissfully attending Friday night drinks followed by yoga and pilates classes on Saturdays came to a sudden, screaming, abrupt end. Oh, how I thought I had it together at 

How Not To Be A Superwoman

How Not To Be A Superwoman

Photo courtesy of Tom Simposon https://www.flickr.com/photos/randar/15740129339
Photo courtesy of Tom Simposon https://www.flickr.com/photos/randar/15740129339

I have recently been appointed to a new, more senior role. This role both terrifies and inspires me, and it appears to terrify others as well. When I talk about what I do and what I plan to do, colleagues and mentors invariably respond with “That. Is. ENORMOUS”. What they often don’t know is that I also work one day a week in general practice, and am raising two young children on the side. I think if they knew, their collective heads might explode. So I have stopped mentioning it.

This heightened level of juggling sometimes makes me feel like overcompensating for my multiple roles. I can be the perfect, overworked academic. I can be the perfect mum as well. I can do it all, and do it effortlessly. It’s a strange, masochistic way of coping with everything that is on my plate – by piling more on, it will all appear balanced! Ha!

Fortunately, I have, to my credit, figured out a few ways to avoid being that superwoman. I thought I would share them with you in case you could apply them to your life too. This is not just for working mums. It’s for dads, it’s for every mum, it’s for every adult who sometimes wakes up and thinks “I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult”.

1. Don’t be a superhero.

Don’t attempt superhuman feats. At least, not without a really, really, really good reason.

I was offered another role, a part time role, attached to a certain level of prestige, where I could help make strategic decisions, and generally feel important. It was in an area that I feel passionate about, and somewhat connected to my current role, but not exactly. It would involve a bit of extra income, look very impressive on my CV, and I would get to work with people that I liked. It involved travelling to Melbourne two days a month, plus a lot of extra work outside of meetings (I must admit, a part of me really liked the idea of having one night a month in a hotel, on my own). It was the kind of role that would be perfect for me – in ten years time.

I thought about this for a long time. I could work extra hours on the weekend, on the plane, on weeknights, to make up for the hours, I thought. I could see that two days a month as my “me time” and sacrifice all my other time to work and family in between. I could hire a nanny to help out, with the extra income. And yet, something in me hesitated, because it seemed like the only things to benefit would be my ego, my bank balance ( a little – not a lot), my CV, and that woman who wanted to sleep in a king size bed on her own without little elbows in her face. Everything else would no doubt suffer – time, energy, family.

Eventually I fought that superwoman in my head who told me “Go on. You can do it! You can do anything!!!” and wrote an email saying that I’d love to rethink the position, in three years time.

Don’t be a superhero. 

2. Don’t be afraid to outsource.

When my daughter started school, we put her in two days a week of after school care. “She’s too precious to spend all her time there” we thought. “We must save her from this terrible fate”. After a while, the pressure on two working parents became clearer, and we put her in for an extra day. Towards the end of the year, it was getting so hard to juggle the 3pm pickups between us. This year, she’s in for four days and our stress levels have dropped dramatically. Now it’s only one day a week between us to juggle the early pickup. She is literally there for less than two hours, and she gets fed afternoon tea, does arts and craft with her friends, and reads books. She meets lots of friends from other classes. Invariably she doesn’t want to leave when I pick her up.

Don’t be afraid to outsource. Especially if it’s because of ill-conceived notions of something not being good enough for your precious ones. It usually is just fine.

3. Online canteen ordering. Enough said.

When my daughter started school, I had a Pinterest board of beautiful bento-style lunches. I was going to pack her edamame and cream cheese sandwiches one day, bliss balls and cute cheese stars the next. The reality was that she got a cheese sandwich cut in half, and some carrot sticks. Then I discovered Flexischools. If you don’t have something like Flexischools, I send my commiserations. With a few swipes, I can order my precious one a cooked lunch (pasta bolognaise, sushi, nachos…) plus they cut up the carrot sticks for me, and I can make this a recurring order. What?! My daughter loves the canteen so much, I now have recurring orders for every single day of the week. I no longer spend bleary mornings chopping up cucumber, only to find it hasn’t been eaten at the end of the day.

Get thee to an online canteen ordering system. And yes, please “make this a weekly order”.

4. Mums are like ice cream.

Last year my daughter begged me to come in for parent reading help. Twice a week, the lovely parents (usually mums…) came in to help the school kids with some one on one reading. For a while, I even considered changing my schedule so I could be there 10am – 10:45am on a Wednesday. Then I slapped myself out of my senses.

I just can’t be that mum. I work full time. I try to make it for assemblies, Easter hat parades, and the special occasions. But I can’t be that mum at reading help every week. I’ve had to realise that mums are like ice cream. Some are chocolate chip, some are strawberry, some are lemon gelato (or is it gelati)? Chocolate chip is not better than strawberry nor better than lemon gelato/i. We’re all just ice cream. Our kids might prefer one flavour over the other, but at the end of the day we’re still ice cream. All of us.

˜˜˜˜˜

Fridays is generally a good day for me. It’s a day where I don’t have to get out of bed at the crack of dawn. It’s a day when I generally schedule the exciting, inspiring meetings that happen in the CBD in the middle of the day. Last Friday I walked my daughter to school and we chatted along the way. It was a sweet moment of intimacy. I kissed her goodbye and caught the bus to the city. I had energising meetings with inspiring people. Afterwards I told my boss I was going to get a haircut. He told me to enjoy myself. I sat in a food court and ate a nasi goreng, a terrible nutritional choice but my treat for the week. For a moment, I felt balanced, and strangely invincible.

Perhaps by refusing to be superwoman, I can actually be the superwoman that I am meant to be. Less is more.

To all the superwomen out there, I salute you. May we always make the right choices so that our capes fit comfortably on our shoulders.

Your Doctor Doesn’t Care How Your Body Looks (And Neither Should You)

Your Doctor Doesn’t Care How Your Body Looks (And Neither Should You)

It’s that time of year when we start to see the magazines and random “fitness gurus” telling us it’s time for a “New Year, New Body”, or to get a “bikini body”, whatever that is. After the celebrations of Christmas feasting, women (and men) are 

What I Think About Work-Family “Balance”

What I Think About Work-Family “Balance”

  “I wanted to ask you how you manage to balance it so beautifully” she asked shyly. “Work, family…”   I felt like a fraud when the young PhD student said this to me. (Yes, I suffer from Impostor Syndrome at home too.) I don’t 

How To Get Fit At Home (For Free) – A Guide for Parents and Other Busy People

How To Get Fit At Home (For Free) – A Guide for Parents and Other Busy People

easy-at-home

This guest post is written by Tara Heath, lifestyle and health journalist. Thanks Tara for providing a wonderful post that I think many people will find helpful!

There’s comes a time in every parent’s life when he or she realizes it’s time to start caring – and I mean really caring – for their health. For some, it’s a health scare in the family that puts the world on its head and moves things into perspective. For others, it’s feeling tired all the time, or perhaps feeling flat and unmotivated. And for others still, it’s a pair of jeans you once loved that just won’t zip.

Whatever the reason, nearly every parent who decides to kick start a fitness journey has the same question: HOW? After all, whether or not we are working at home or outside of the home, being a parent can feel like you barely have time to brush your teeth twice a day. Taking even thirty minutes to focus on our physical health seems nearly impossible. Plus, having childcare responsibilities mean it’s not as easy as it used to be to trot off to that after-work gym class. But it shouldn’t be impossible. You might need to get creative! I’ve got a few suggestions for you that will help you get back into a fitness routine. These tips work well for all parents (and childless people too!) but particularly for stay-at-home parents to take advantage of nap time.

gymathome

Find Your Own Personal Gym

 

You certainly don’t need a gym to get fit. People all over the world have been keeping in shape for hundreds of years without enormous gymnasiums to guide them. So don’t let your lack of gym membership hold you back – you don’t need to pay to get fit any more!

 

Squeeze in some calisthenics while your baby naps (ha ha) or between meetings at the office. The dining room chair can be great equipment for tricep dips or squats after dinner. Hit the living floor for crunches and push ups during commercial breaks of your favorite show (or perhaps during Peppa Pig).

 

With a lot of determination and ingenuity, you can transform your home into an exercise haven that helps you reach your fitness goals.

 

Check out YouTube Fitness Gurus

 

There is no doubt that Internet changed life as we knew it. A wealth of knowledge rests at our fingertips, and it’s up to us to uncover it. So why not plumb the depths of cyberspace for some exercises you can do at home? This is a tried and tested method for all people to get fit without even leaving the house. Plus, it’s free!

 

YouTube is particularly good for at-home workouts. There are so many channels that focus on different types of fitness, like pilates, high-intensity interval training (HIIT), and hip-hop cardio. These mini-classes are great ways to try out a new exercise. They’re typically quick (usually under 30 minutes) so it’s an efficient way to use your baby’s nap time for fitness, even if you have a catnapper.

yoga

Build Strength and Get Zen

 

If you’ve just had a baby, or even if it’s simply been a while since you’ve exercised, yoga is a wonderful way to ease back into a more active lifestyle. Yoga is low impact (great for people whose joints give them trouble with more high impact workouts) but it still builds strength in your core muscles (especially important for us mums). Plus, yoga encourages mindfulness and meditation, which can be very important when you’re a parent!

 

Yoga is also great for beginners – even a few seemingly simple poses can yield great results. This is a great gentle workout to try out while the baby naps. Who knows? By the time she wakes you might be in a calmer state of mind.

 

Get the Little One Involved

 

You might be thinking, “These are wonderful ideas for when my baby is sleeping. But what will happen when he just won’t nap?” Well, there are certainly ways to exercise even with your baby on your hip. Most of these exercises even give you precious bonding time with your baby. They may even end up becoming your favorites!

 

Lay on the floor with your baby on your belly (holding him securely, of course). Do a simple sit up, planting a kiss on his little cheek when you reach the top! Lift him over your head for a nice arm workout, or even hold him close while you walk around the room. While this may seem like normal “playtime” with the baby, the soreness in your arms the next day will tell you all you need to know.

yogababy

The decision to focus on your health and fitness is an important one, and will benefit both you and your family. Your children will also learn that mum or dad prioritises being active and healthy. So don’t let being a busy parent hold you back! Give these tips a try, and tweak them until you find what works for you.

 

Written by Tara Heath

 

 

RU OK? Here are some resources that can help if you’re not

RU OK? Here are some resources that can help if you’re not

It’s RU OK day, a day to remind us of the importance of good mental health, a day to think about the people we love who might not be ok, who might be struggling with untold depression or even suicidal. This post is written not 

You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

I have a dark secret. Perhaps not a secret, as I do pour out my heart and soul in this blog. But here it is. I’m not perfect. I’m imperfect. Like those knobbly apples and pears that sell for $3 a kilo less because they 

Finding a New Running Route and Spiritual Home

Finding a New Running Route and Spiritual Home

Leaving Melbourne for Sydney may seem like a small move, a mere 963km, but it was a enormous upheaval for me. I felt like a tree that had dug very deep and comfortable roots that were suddenly and painfully ripped out.

We are now putting down new roots, waiting for them to get deeper, take hold, and keep us stable when the storms hit, as they do from time to time.

The first few weeks were particularly difficult. One of my priorities, apart from settling everyone into their new routines, was to find a new running route to replace my beloved and well-worn track, the iconic “‘Tan” in Melbourne. Three or four times a week I escaped to this haven, to hear the crunch of gravel under my trainers, breathe the crisp fresh air, pass fellow runners and mums walking their prams, and just disappear into my spiritual home, the place where I felt strong, safe, relaxed, confident, renewed.

My last run around the Tan, or Botanical Gardens in Melbourne, day before we moved out
My last run around the Tan, or Botanical Gardens in Melbourne, day before we moved out

When we got to Sydney I explored different running routes. I was completely underwhelmed with running around my suburb, pleasant as it is, but pounding pavement next to family homes is not my thing. The Spit to Manly trail was interesting, but too isolated to warrant solo running as a vulnerable female. I ran to the surrounding suburbs and while I found the hills challenging enough, I just didn’t feel it in my heart. My heart and soul needed to soar, and I needed to return a stronger, happier woman, especially when it sometimes felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I returned sweaty, but something wasn’t right. Until I found this place.

The start of my run - the gorgeous Shelly Beach.
The start of my run – the gorgeous Shelly Beach.

It’s not like I didn’t know about Shelly – but I decided to jump in the car and drive there to start my runs, and then I ran along this place.

Iconic Manly beach.
Iconic Manly beach.

And then, ending up in this place, which means going up and down and impressive hill, and then back again to Shelly, for a nice heart-pumping 7 or 8K with hill training in between.

Freshwater Beach. Gotta love a multi-beach run.
Freshwater Beach. Gotta love a multi-beach run.

And as I ran along the beach(es), with the waves pounding (or sometimes just lapping), the salty air in my face, the kids riding their scooters and surfers racing towards the water with their boards, the ocean swimmers in their swim caps, the tourists taking it all in, I felt something familiar. I felt a lifting of my heart, a singing in my ears, a smile on my face, and a sense of flow, of everything being perfect in that moment. I had found my new spiritual running home.

I wish I could say that I have been here religiously every week. Actually, I have for most weeks, but it’s harder to get here now because it’s a car ride away. But I do know that my soul longs to be there, to drink in the sea air, that my ears need to hear the sounds of the surf, that my feet need to pound that pavement. So I go, as often as I can, even if it’s only for twenty minutes, just so that I can keep on going.

Because sometimes putting down new roots means finding new routes.

Post Script. Recently, an extraordinary storm hit Manly and the walkway between Manly and Shelly Beach was destroyed. I wish all of those who experienced storm damage the very best in their rebuilding and look forward to seeing this very special walkway rebuilt soon. 

Date, Oat and Seed Bliss Balls recipe

Date, Oat and Seed Bliss Balls recipe

My daughter started school this year and so began the routine of scratching my head for a “morning tea” snack every day. If I ever had grandiose ideas about packing lovingly hand-baked goods accompanied with sweet hand-written notes every day in her school bag, they were