An Open Letter to Kindergarten about Gender (In)equality

My daughter goes to a sessional kindergarten. It’s gorgeous. She now paints like Picasso; she speaks three languages; she is thriving and has made beautiful friends. I love the teachers. But I didn’t love what I am about to write about.

Earlier this year we were sent an invitation to a Mother’s Day event. All mums were invited to attend an afternoon tea at 2pm on a Wednesday. (We couldn’t go as we were overseas). I helped the children mail their invites on the day I acted as Parent Helper.

A few weeks ago we were informed of the Father’s Day event – scheduled for a Sunday morning at 9:30am. To say I was disappointed at this discrepancy between mothers and fathers is an understatement. Some might think I am being a ranty mother at this stage, but allow me to be a ranty mother for a moment.

There are so many reasons why this decision could have been made differently. Clearly it was not made to deliberately disadvantage working mothers. It most probably happened as a result of unconscious bias. But let me summarise why a more equal approach to these events, especially in kindergarten, is vital.

Children take on social expectations at a very early age. We try our best to model these at home; going to a kindergarten is an additional, and very powerful, influence. Having a Mother’s day event in the middle of the day on a weekday sends a strong message to children. One: Your mother should be available at this time (and at relatively short notice). She should not be at work. Work is bad. Two: If your mother can’t make it (because of work) she is a bad mother. Look at all the other mothers who could make it. Three: Women shouldn’t work after they have children. Four: Your daddy can have a career. He is important enough to have a separate event on a weekend, so he doesn’t need to disrupt his working week.  

What is even more frustrating is that this is an artificially created way for working mothers to fail. And it is not restricted to my kindergarten – I have heard similar stories from other mothers. Mothers day morning tea – 11am Wednesday. Fathers day breakfast: 8:30am Friday. 

The very reason I am sending my daughter to kindergarten is the very reason these persistent social expectations need to change. I want her to reach her full potential, whatever that may be. For many women, this will be outside of the home as well as within the home.

Below is an unedited email I sent to our kindergarten (name removed). I meant what I said about appreciating the kindergarten. But gender equality starts now, at kindergarten. It is my firm belief that we should not hold our daughters back in this way, by modelling a 1950s version of family life and perpetuating unconscious bias. To all mothers who can make it to 2pm afternoon teas, I applaud you. I am one of those mothers who has that flexibility. Not all do. I want all working mothers to feel a little less guilty. Especially when the guilt is artificially induced.

“Dear Kindergarten Committee